Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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