just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
