i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize