i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
