Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
