this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
