Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
