One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
