i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This toilet bowl is my home.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
