That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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