I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
