the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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