Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
