my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
