there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
