If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
