I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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