Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
