New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
