I'm really into asian looking animals
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
