I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
