'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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