Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
