Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
