i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
