just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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