guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
