First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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