i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
