It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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