i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
