listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
