I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
