i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
