apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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