If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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