I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
