Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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