It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
