you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
