Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
