i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
