70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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