he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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