I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
