theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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