coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
