i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My life is pants optional.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
