I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
