We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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