this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
