What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
