Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
