When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
