there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
