he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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